One of the worst technological advancements in social media is the introduction of Facebook’s ‘Memories’ feature. You know the scene: you load up Facebook because you need to ask for a gardener in your neighbourhood discussion group. But before getting visually assaulted by photos of dog poo and AI slop, you see a post you made 10 years ago at the top of the news feed, triggering a visceral, full body sickness. At the mild end of the spectrum might be “JUST HAD NUGGETS AND SEEIN AVATAR 2NITE WIV MY BEST HOMIESSSSS PERFECT XXXXXX”. At worst, you might find an undeleted ‘frape’. “JUST let out the BIGGEST FART HEHEHEH SMELLZ LIKE EGGS!”
Why Facebook thought it would be a good idea to add in this feature when most of its users were teens in its early years is anyone’s guess, but it does at least provide a valuable record of how the internet has changed in the past two decades. Facebook is a bit like the Rosetta Stone in that sense.
As strange as they are to read with hindsight, once upon a time we clearly felt these musings were valuable enough to share with the world, before we grew up and realised we were very wrong. Even Marnie from Girls thought the music video to What I Am was a good idea at some point.
Which brings me to JoJo Siwa, who is going through this teen internet cringe rite of passage in front of 46 million TikTok followers, and went viral this week for her rather raspy cover of Kim Carnes’ Bette Davis Eyes.
She has spent the week teasing the release of the full recording, which she first performed as a live cover in May. In that version, the lyrics were changed from “She’s got Bette Davis eyes” to “he’s got Chris Hughes’ eyes,” in reference to her new boyfriend and Celebrity Big Brother co-star.
Because despite being now comfortably over her teen years at 22, since meeting Chris Hughes she has acted like a down bad 16-year-old, as we all should at some point.
JoJo’s unconventional career is well documented – joining the world of reality TV at just 10 years old, initially on Abby’s Ultimate Dance Competition and later as a regular cast member of Dance Moms. The premise of the latter centred on the pushy and ruthless behaviour of the parents of burgeoning child stars, who competed in high profile dance competitions across the United States. Predictably, JoJo’s mother Jessalyn, herself a dance studio owner, decided to homeschool JoJo, and once told cameras: “I would say it’s my mission in life to make JoJo a star.”
She built her name, wealth and reputation through clever business decisions and kid-approved merch like Build-A-Bears, karaoke machines and strawberry cereal. When Jojo was actually 16 in 2019, she was on a global world tour and bringing out a line of juice bottles. She and the adults around her capitalised on her personal brand from childhood.
In 2024, the kid-friendly aesthetic she’d created morphed into its adult form. Her sexual orientation provided the storyline that every good brand needs, and her costuming, bookings and interviews centred heavily on her Lesbian identity. She called herself the “inventor” of Gay pop before relegating herself to ‘CEO’. Her Queerness was campified, simplified, and de-sexualised for commercial appeal and she became a caricature. She’s since said she felt “pressure” to call herself a Lesbian rather than owning her Pansexuality, the term she had initially used to describe her identity.
So maybe JoJo’s time in the Big Brother House didn’t just help her realise she wasn’t a Lesbian. It might have been the first time she ever got to think independently for herself. Most people get to do this at 16 while getting drunk on illicit beers in the local park, and look back knowing it can stay safely in the past with only Facebook memories to remind you.
We all know teen love makes you completely lose your head, which is the whole point of it. Dressing up as Bette Davis and looking wistfully off-screen while lip-syncing a self-recorded throaty cover of a popular 80s synth track? Peak healthy teen cringe behaviour. (My version of this was recording a cover of Blackbird by The Beatles at 15 while playing the ukulele and wearing a Beatles t-shirt. I kept it up on Facebook for two hours before I thought better of it).
For a Gen-Z star, her recent activity has had a remarkably twee, millennial flavour. She recently got mocked for saying she’d “perfected” the “perfect cup of tea”. OK grammar police!!! Yes she was homeschooled but I bet you can’t dance like her!
Some have speculated that JoJo no longer identifying as a Lesbian (which is obviously completely fine because sexuality can be fluid) is a sign of the singer entering a “tradwife era”. To which I say – who hasn’t fantasised about spending a future playing house in the first few weeks of an intense relationship? And frankly, if JoJo wanted to quit her entertainment career to stay home making homemade butter all day, who is to stop her? She sold 80 million hair bows between 2016 and 2020, so probably doesn’t need Chris Hughes to bring home the bacon in that regard.
And then there’s the very real possibility that this new era is all engagement bait, designed to get us leaving comments, and writing think pieces. For my part, I hope she is being genuine, and gets a ukulele.
