In case you’ve been living under a rock, or don’t know any gay people, JoJo Siwa has been all over social media the last few weeks. And no, it’s not because she’s been doing Tiktok dances.
In early April, Jojo headed to the UK to take part in Celebrity Big Brother UK. During her 18 days in the house, the audience saw an unlikely friendship form between Siwa and Chris Hughes (yes, that Chris Hughes, of Love Island fame). It was during this time that JoJo reflected on her sexuality and came to the conclusion that she was not a lesbian but identified more with the label queer.
While coming to that realisation, she got closer with Chris. Many thought it was an odd friendship, but as the days went on, lines blurred and it seemed to resemble more of a relationship than they let on. Physically, nothing was happening. But emotionally? There seemed to be something deeper developing.
The issue? JoJo was not single at the time. She was dating Kath Ebbs who, outside of the Big Brother house, was posting videos of support for their partner, but fans’ eyes were darting from Kath’s videos to their TV screens wondering if Kath was seeing what they were: that JoJo didn’t seem as into the relationship as Kath was.
Long story short, despite claiming they were just ‘platonic’ friends, once out of the Big Brother house, Siwa broke up with Ebbs and has grown increasingly closer with Hughes. Cue lesbian outrage. But why?
Yes, there are issues with the age gap (10 years) but we’ll come to that later. The main reason that the lesbians seem to be losing it is due to a particular narrative that some believe JoJo is pushing. We’ve all been victims to the comments, the ‘I can turn you’ or ‘one night with me and you won’t be a lesbian anymore’. But is JoJo really pushing this narrative? The narrative: it just takes ‘the right guy’ to turn a woman straight. An alternative view? She is a young woman who is trying to figure out her sexuality and how she now feels with someone new.
I understand the fear that, if one famous lesbian starts dating men, then other men will assume they can ‘turn’ women, and as a knock-on effect, men might not take no for an answer. But is it JoJo’s responsibility to stamp out this narrative?
The jokes about her wearing a ‘dyke’ ring and needing to return it are not just jokes, but harmful discourse. Discourse that your bisexual friends are seeing you partake in and wondering ‘is that what they think of me?’
A community, who initially accepted her, are turning their back on her just as she’s figuring out who she is, and what makes her happy. People should have the space to figure themselves out, and no one can expect a 21-year-old to know exactly what they want. If it were a straight or bisexual person who realised they were gay, I don’t think there would be an issue, quite the opposite – our community would be fully accepting of an individual exploring their sexuality.
The obvious issue that persists here is biphobia. We know bisexuals often face invalidation and are accused of seeking attention. The reaction of the lesbian community shows that, despite how open or progressive people may say they are, there is a societal discomfort with fluid sexual identities. And the idea that JoJo feels more comfortable labelling herself queer, and is now dating a man, is not the ‘right’ kind of fluidity.
Bisexual people tend to suffer as they are more likely to face discrimination or be isolated than those who identify as gay or lesbian as they face discrimination from both communities. According to Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out, bisexual men are 50% more likely to live in poverty than gay men, and bisexual women are more than twice as likely to live in poverty compared to lesbians. This suffering can be rooted in lack of community.
To expect a young woman, shoved in the spotlight at a young age, to be the poster child of the ideal sexual journey is problematic, and reminds bisexuals that their identities and support in the community will be erased if they don’t fit into the community expectations.
In relation to the age gap, I’ll be the first to admit that it is a little icky. 10 years can be a lot, especially at that age. But why do we never say anything about other big age gaps? Tig Notaro and Stephanie Allynne? 13 years. Portia di Rossi and Ellen DeGeneres? 15 years. Mothers Sarah Paulson and Holland Taylor? A whopping 32 years. Power imbalances potentially exist in these relationships, but we ignore them as these are lesbian relationships.
I do have to agree with the fact that the way JoJo treated Kath appeared, to the public, as really shitty. Whether or not you think their interactions qualified as ‘emotional cheating,’ the way JoJo and Chris acted towards each other in the Big Brother house was a bit weird, considering we were also seeing her partner posting supportive Tiktoks. I don’t know about you, but I had whiplash. And then JoJo dumping them at the wrap party? Cold. Not really the best way to act while in a relationship, and definitely not the way to handle a breakup. But this brings me to my last point- she is still young!
Was it messy? Of course. Did JoJo deal with it the right way? Absolutely not. If I were Kath would I be raging? 100%. But while personal relationships are inherently complex, navigating personal growth and relationship changes under the microscope of fame amplifies challenges many face in private.
Let’s not forget that when JoJo was in the Big Brother house she was 21 years old. And not just a regular 21-year-old who spent their teen years getting drunk in the park and doing things she should definitely not do. JoJo has been in the public eye since she was a child and hasn’t been given the space to make mistakes, to figure herself out- this controversy is one of the first times she has had the space to do that. And we should give her the space to find herself.
And who else should have the space? Your bisexual friends. JoJo, who is figuring out the fluidity of her sexuality, may not see your degrading comments, but your bisexual friends definitely do. And if you don’t give them the support they deserve, you are doing a disservice to your community.
